Question:
Asslamualikum,
One and half years ago I was coerced into an arranged marriage by my father, who threatened to divorce my mother if I refused. I reluctantly mumbled the words “accept”, and now my family realizes I am unhappy. I do not feel that I can take her as my wife. I can’t seem to see the qualities in her for a wife, I neither find her attractive and can’t see any good characteristics. I wish for a practising, strong Muslim who will make my children good, strong Muslims. I have tried to ask myself sincerely whether I could live with her as husband and wife, and if I can change her – but realistically I can’t, and there is no common ground. Though I am closer to my din than before, my family is non-practising. Several discussions have occurred with my parents regarding this issue; all they believe is that it will work as they did the same. I intend to do istikharah. What do I do, and what is the ruling. I am being harmed mentally and emotionally, my condition is becoming bad, what should I do?
Jazakallah Khair.
One and half years ago I was coerced into an arranged marriage by my father, who threatened to divorce my mother if I refused. I reluctantly mumbled the words “accept”, and now my family realizes I am unhappy. I do not feel that I can take her as my wife. I can’t seem to see the qualities in her for a wife, I neither find her attractive and can’t see any good characteristics. I wish for a practising, strong Muslim who will make my children good, strong Muslims. I have tried to ask myself sincerely whether I could live with her as husband and wife, and if I can change her – but realistically I can’t, and there is no common ground. Though I am closer to my din than before, my family is non-practising. Several discussions have occurred with my parents regarding this issue; all they believe is that it will work as they did the same. I intend to do istikharah. What do I do, and what is the ruling. I am being harmed mentally and emotionally, my condition is becoming bad, what should I do?
Jazakallah Khair.
Answer:
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Wa Alaikum As Salam
May Allah (swt) alleviate your struggles and grant you patience and perseverance through these trying times.
We take note of the infelicitous nature of this nikah and understand your marriage is facing challenges. However, it should be kept in mind that the decision to divorce is significant and should be approached with wisdom. Therefore, before opting for a divorce, you should try to reform your marriage through any means necessary.
Having patience and proper communication with your wife is paramount in navigating this situation effectively. Advise your wife well on the importance of deen in one’s life and try and do daily ta’leem with your family in order to build a religiously centred environment in your home. Remind your wife of the promises of Allah (swt) for one who obeys His commandments, and the punishment for one who fails to do so. Be considerate and understanding of her and do not let up your efforts in teaching her the right way. Pray for Allah (swt) to open her heart to the understanding and acceptance of deen and to guide her to righteousness. Also, explain to your parents that the injunctions of deen and Shari’ah, which dictate the importance of having a religiously committed spouse, take precedence over societal values.
If, despite your efforts, your wife remains indifferent to change and does not start offering salat and fulfilling other Islamic obligations, then it will be better to divorce her and seek a pious, practising wife who can impart good manners to your children and support you in gaining closeness to Allah (swt). However, before you make such a decision, we advise you to seek advice and guidance from your local Ulama, who can provide valuable support and insight.
Lastly, as you mentioned, you should do istikhara. *
May Allah (swt) alleviate your struggles and grant you patience and perseverance through these trying times.
We take note of the infelicitous nature of this nikah and understand your marriage is facing challenges. However, it should be kept in mind that the decision to divorce is significant and should be approached with wisdom. Therefore, before opting for a divorce, you should try to reform your marriage through any means necessary.
Having patience and proper communication with your wife is paramount in navigating this situation effectively. Advise your wife well on the importance of deen in one’s life and try and do daily ta’leem with your family in order to build a religiously centred environment in your home. Remind your wife of the promises of Allah (swt) for one who obeys His commandments, and the punishment for one who fails to do so. Be considerate and understanding of her and do not let up your efforts in teaching her the right way. Pray for Allah (swt) to open her heart to the understanding and acceptance of deen and to guide her to righteousness. Also, explain to your parents that the injunctions of deen and Shari’ah, which dictate the importance of having a religiously committed spouse, take precedence over societal values.
If, despite your efforts, your wife remains indifferent to change and does not start offering salat and fulfilling other Islamic obligations, then it will be better to divorce her and seek a pious, practising wife who can impart good manners to your children and support you in gaining closeness to Allah (swt). However, before you make such a decision, we advise you to seek advice and guidance from your local Ulama, who can provide valuable support and insight.
Lastly, as you mentioned, you should do istikhara. *
And Allah Ta'ala knows best.
Sh. Muaaz Murtaza
12/06/2024
Checked and approved by:
Mufti Faizal Riza
Darul Ifta Australia
www.fatwa.org.au
Sh. Muaaz Murtaza
12/06/2024
Checked and approved by:
Mufti Faizal Riza
Darul Ifta Australia
www.fatwa.org.au
________________________
*References:
*References:
في لمعات التنقيح في شرح مشكاة المصابيح: () أبغض الحلال إلى الله الطلاق (سنن ابي داود. ٢١٧٨. كتاب الطلاق)) أي: الطلاق مع أنه حلال في الجملة، وليس بحرام، مبغوض ومكروه عند الله إلا أن يكون لمصلحة وغرض صحيح. (لمعات التنقيح في شرح مشكاة المصابيح. ج٦. ص١٣٩. ط دار الكتب العلمية).
في الدر المختار: لا يجب على الزوج تطليق الفاجرة ولا عليها تسريح الفاجر إلا إذا خافا أن لا يقيما حدود الله فلا بأس أن يتفرقا.
وفي رد المحتار: (قوله تطليق الفاجرة) الفجور العصيان كما في المغرب (قوله ولا عليها) أي بأن تسئ عشرته أو تبذل له مالا ليخالعها (قوله إلا إذا خافا) استثناء منقطع، لأن التفريق حينئذ مندوب بقرينة قوله فلا بأس لكن سياتي أول الطلاق أنه يستحب لو مؤذية أو تاركة صلاة ويجب لو فات الإمساك بالمعروف، فالظاهر أنه استعمل لا بأس هنا للوجوب إقتداء بقوله تعالى - فان خفتم أن لا يقيما حدود الله فلا جناح عليهما فيما افتدت به. (رد المحتار. ج ٣. ص ٥٠. ط سعيد).
في الدر المختار: بل يُستحب ]قلت اي الطلاق[ لو مؤذية أو تاركة صلاة.
وقال الطحطاوي: (أو تاركة صلاة) الظاهر أن ترك الفرائض غير الصلاة كالصلاة، وعن ابن مسعود؛ لأن ألقى الله وصداقها بذمتي خير من أن أعاشر امرأة لا تصلي. قال الشارح: قوله: (وَمفاده) أي: مفاد استحباب طلاق من لا تصلي وهذا المفاد لصاحب (البحر) وتبعه أخوه. قوله: (أن لَا إثم بمعاشرة من لا تصلي) لأن ترك المستحب لا يؤثم. (حاشية الطحطاوي على الدر المختار شرح تنوين الابصار. ج ٤. ص ٣٥٦. ط دار الكتب العلمية).
في كفاية المفتي: نافرمان بیوی کا حکم: سوال: کوئی بیوی شوہر کا کہنا نہ مانے یعنی اس سے نماز روزہ وغیرہ کے لئے کہا جائے اور وہ اس کے خلاف کرے، تو اس کے لئے کیا حکم ہے؟ جواب: نافرمان بیوی جب کہ کسی طرح نہ مانے اور باز نہ آئے، تو خاوند کو حق ہے کہ وہ اسے چھوڑ دے. (كفاية المفتي. ج٧. ص٥٣٧. ط اداره الفاروق كراتشي).
