Question: I am in
a situation where I am kind to my family but they are not to me. I came across
this hadith; however I do not understand. Would you please be able to explain
this hadith to me? Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man
said to Messenger of Allah (PBUH): "I have relatives with whom I try to
keep the ties of relationship but they sever relations with me; and whom I
treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them but they are rough
to me.'' He (PBUH) replied, "If you are as you say, it is as if you are
feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from
Allah as long as you continue to do so". [Muslim].
(from Radiyul saliheen) It
sounds like the man in question is the one doing the wrong thing here if he is
the one feeding hot ashes to his family? Answer: بِسْمِ
اللهِ
الرَّحْمنِ
الرَّحِيْم In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most
Merciful. The
hadith you quoted is not at all suggesting that the man who does good to his family in spite of his family being bad to him
is doing a bad thing. There is no doubt that Islam teaches that one should be
good to one's relatives even if they are not good in return. Maintaining ties
of kinship is greatly encouraged and emphasised in the hadiths, as is well
known even by those with minimal knowledge of Islam. The
hadith in question has been explained in three ways by Imam Nawawi
(May Allah have mercy on him and elevate his status)
in his commentary on Sahih Muslim (vol. 2 pg. 315): 1.
The
hadith compares the pain and suffering the ill-treating relatives will have to
undergo in the hereafter to eating hot ashes. (This is due to their sinful act,
not due to the kindness of the kind person.) 2.
By the
person being good to his relatives while they ill-treat him, he is in fact
subjecting them to disgrace and humiliation just like a person
subjects himself to disgrace and humiliation by eating hot ash. 3.
By
eating foodstuff acquired from the favour and kindness of the kind person, the
ill-treating relatives are in fact filling their bellies with hot ashes (which
will burn their bellies in the hereafter). Whichever
explanation one takes, the hadith is not discouraging the person from being
kind and gentle to his relatives; instead it is encouraging the ill-treating
relatives to stop their evil act and to instead be kind, gentle and gracious. And
Allah Ta'ala knows best Mufti Faizal Riza Darul Ifta
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