Question:
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah.
I have a 14 year old daughter. For a while now, she is refusing to stand up in prayer and/or refusing to pray with the family. Should we be pushing her constantly to pray appropriately or should we just be happy that she is praying at all?
I have a 14 year old daughter. For a while now, she is refusing to stand up in prayer and/or refusing to pray with the family. Should we be pushing her constantly to pray appropriately or should we just be happy that she is praying at all?
Answer:
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Wa `alaykumussalam warahmatullah wabarakatuh.
In principle, the fardh salah of a person who prays sitting down without a valid excuse is not valid. Thus, praying fardh salah standing up must be enforced. However, it is allowed for one to pray nawafil (supererogatory prayers) sitting down, but one will get half the reward if it was done without an excuse.
*Note: Without a valid excuse, praying while sitting on a chair is not permitted, even in the case of nawafil prayers, as this will be praying with isharah (gesture), which is not allowed without a valid excuse. However, if one wishes to pray nawafil while seated, he may do so by sitting on the floor.
It should also be noted that praying in congregation or with family is not a requirement for women.
Your daughter should be advised regularly with wisdom on the importance of salah. It is also of great importance to kindly educate your daughter about the significance of performing salah while standing. Allah (SWT) says:
ٱدۡعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِیلِ رَبِّكَ بِٱلۡحِكۡمَةِ وَٱلۡمَوۡعِظَةِ ٱلۡحَسَنَةِۖ
Invite (people) to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good counsel [Surah An-Naḥl, verse 125]
If this reminder does not work through advice and wisdom, then light punishment should be given to her till she starts offering fardh salah standing.
As mentioned earlier, it is not obligatory for her to pray with the family or in congregation; rather, it is better and more rewarding for her to pray by herself at home.
It is mentioned in a hadith:
عَنْ عَمَّتِهِ أُمِّ حُمَيْدٍ امْرَأَةِ أَبِي حُمَيْدٍ السَّاعِدِيِّ، أَنَّهَا جَاءَتِ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَتْ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِنِّي أُحِبُّ الصَّلَاةَ مَعَكَ، قَالَ: " قَدْ عَلِمْتُ أَنَّكِ تُحِبِّينَ الصَّلَاةَ مَعِي، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي بَيْتِكِ خَيْرٌ لَكِ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي حُجْرَتِكِ، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي حُجْرَتِكِ خَيْرٌ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي دَارِكِ، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي دَارِكِ خَيْرٌ لَكِ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي مَسْجِدِ قَوْمِكِ، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي مَسْجِدِ قَوْمِكِ خَيْرٌ لَكِ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي مَسْجِدِي "، قَالَ: فَأَمَرَتْ فَبُنِيَ لَهَا مَسْجِدٌ فِي أَقْصَى شَيْءٍ مِنْ بَيْتِهَا وَأَظْلَمِهِ، فَكَانَتْ تُصَلِّي فِيهِ حَتَّى لَقِيَتِ اللهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ (مسند احمد)
Umm Humayd, the wife of Abu Humayd, narrates that she went to Nabi (ﷺ) and said, “O Rasulullah, I wish to perform salah with you.” Rasulullah (ﷺ) replied, “I know well that you wish to perform salah with me. However, the salah you perform in a secluded corner in your room (the more inner part of the room) is better than performing it in your room (which is more open) and the salah you perform in your room is better than you performing it (anywhere within) your property, and the salah you perform in the property is better than you performing it in the local masjid, and the salah you perform in the local masjid is better than you performing it in my masjid. The narrator says that she ordered that a prayer area be built for her in the farthest and darkest corner of the house, and she performed her salah there until she met her Lord.” [Musnad Ahmad]
Additionally, in Islam we believe that as parents we are responsible for our children’s well-being and righteousness. This is why we try to create a good and religious environment for them to be brought up in while teaching them virtuous qualities by way of example, as children tend to practice what they see. The Prophet (ﷺ) mentioned in a hadith:
أَلَا كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ
“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Therefore, we understand that the environment one surrounds himself by has a direct impact on one’s character and his level of piety. As such, by surrounding your children with a good environment and setting a good example for them yourself, they can develop a positive character and deepen their faith, allowing them to remain steadfast in their religious duties. Every household should have a religiously centered environment in order to foster children who are steadfast on their deen.
Similarly, dua (supplication) of a parent for his children plays a major role towards their success. It is mentioned in a hadith:
ثَلَاثُ دَعَوَاتٍ مُسْتَجَابَاتٌ لَا شَكَّ فِيهِنَّ دَعْوَةُ الْمَظْلُومِ وَدَعْوَةُ الْمُسَافِرِ وَدَعْوَةُ الْوَالِدِ عَلَى وَلَدِهِ
“There are three supplications that will undoubtedly be answered: the supplication of an oppressed person, the supplication of the traveler and the supplication of a parent over his child.” [Tirmithi]
Islam has taught us many duas which can be recited for our children. They include:
“Our Lord! Bless us with pious spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts and make us models for the righteous.” [Surah Al-Furqan, verse 74]
رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ
“My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and from my descendants. Our Lord and accept my supplication.” [Surah Ibrahim,verse 40]
رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ
“My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.” [Surah As-Saffaat, verse 100]
May Allah bless our children with righteousness and piety who are steadfast on their deen and who are the joy of our hearts.
In principle, the fardh salah of a person who prays sitting down without a valid excuse is not valid. Thus, praying fardh salah standing up must be enforced. However, it is allowed for one to pray nawafil (supererogatory prayers) sitting down, but one will get half the reward if it was done without an excuse.
*Note: Without a valid excuse, praying while sitting on a chair is not permitted, even in the case of nawafil prayers, as this will be praying with isharah (gesture), which is not allowed without a valid excuse. However, if one wishes to pray nawafil while seated, he may do so by sitting on the floor.
It should also be noted that praying in congregation or with family is not a requirement for women.
Your daughter should be advised regularly with wisdom on the importance of salah. It is also of great importance to kindly educate your daughter about the significance of performing salah while standing. Allah (SWT) says:
ٱدۡعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِیلِ رَبِّكَ بِٱلۡحِكۡمَةِ وَٱلۡمَوۡعِظَةِ ٱلۡحَسَنَةِۖ
Invite (people) to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good counsel [Surah An-Naḥl, verse 125]
If this reminder does not work through advice and wisdom, then light punishment should be given to her till she starts offering fardh salah standing.
As mentioned earlier, it is not obligatory for her to pray with the family or in congregation; rather, it is better and more rewarding for her to pray by herself at home.
It is mentioned in a hadith:
عَنْ عَمَّتِهِ أُمِّ حُمَيْدٍ امْرَأَةِ أَبِي حُمَيْدٍ السَّاعِدِيِّ، أَنَّهَا جَاءَتِ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَتْ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِنِّي أُحِبُّ الصَّلَاةَ مَعَكَ، قَالَ: " قَدْ عَلِمْتُ أَنَّكِ تُحِبِّينَ الصَّلَاةَ مَعِي، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي بَيْتِكِ خَيْرٌ لَكِ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي حُجْرَتِكِ، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي حُجْرَتِكِ خَيْرٌ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي دَارِكِ، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي دَارِكِ خَيْرٌ لَكِ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي مَسْجِدِ قَوْمِكِ، وَصَلَاتُكِ فِي مَسْجِدِ قَوْمِكِ خَيْرٌ لَكِ مِنْ صَلَاتِكِ فِي مَسْجِدِي "، قَالَ: فَأَمَرَتْ فَبُنِيَ لَهَا مَسْجِدٌ فِي أَقْصَى شَيْءٍ مِنْ بَيْتِهَا وَأَظْلَمِهِ، فَكَانَتْ تُصَلِّي فِيهِ حَتَّى لَقِيَتِ اللهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ (مسند احمد)
Umm Humayd, the wife of Abu Humayd, narrates that she went to Nabi (ﷺ) and said, “O Rasulullah, I wish to perform salah with you.” Rasulullah (ﷺ) replied, “I know well that you wish to perform salah with me. However, the salah you perform in a secluded corner in your room (the more inner part of the room) is better than performing it in your room (which is more open) and the salah you perform in your room is better than you performing it (anywhere within) your property, and the salah you perform in the property is better than you performing it in the local masjid, and the salah you perform in the local masjid is better than you performing it in my masjid. The narrator says that she ordered that a prayer area be built for her in the farthest and darkest corner of the house, and she performed her salah there until she met her Lord.” [Musnad Ahmad]
Additionally, in Islam we believe that as parents we are responsible for our children’s well-being and righteousness. This is why we try to create a good and religious environment for them to be brought up in while teaching them virtuous qualities by way of example, as children tend to practice what they see. The Prophet (ﷺ) mentioned in a hadith:
أَلَا كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ
“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Therefore, we understand that the environment one surrounds himself by has a direct impact on one’s character and his level of piety. As such, by surrounding your children with a good environment and setting a good example for them yourself, they can develop a positive character and deepen their faith, allowing them to remain steadfast in their religious duties. Every household should have a religiously centered environment in order to foster children who are steadfast on their deen.
Similarly, dua (supplication) of a parent for his children plays a major role towards their success. It is mentioned in a hadith:
ثَلَاثُ دَعَوَاتٍ مُسْتَجَابَاتٌ لَا شَكَّ فِيهِنَّ دَعْوَةُ الْمَظْلُومِ وَدَعْوَةُ الْمُسَافِرِ وَدَعْوَةُ الْوَالِدِ عَلَى وَلَدِهِ
“There are three supplications that will undoubtedly be answered: the supplication of an oppressed person, the supplication of the traveler and the supplication of a parent over his child.” [Tirmithi]
Islam has taught us many duas which can be recited for our children. They include:
- رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord! Bless us with pious spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts and make us models for the righteous.” [Surah Al-Furqan, verse 74]
- Dua for children’s steadfastness in their prayer:
رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ
“My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and from my descendants. Our Lord and accept my supplication.” [Surah Ibrahim,verse 40]
- Ibrahim (AS)’s dua to bless him with righteous offspring:
رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ
“My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.” [Surah As-Saffaat, verse 100]
May Allah bless our children with righteousness and piety who are steadfast on their deen and who are the joy of our hearts.
في كنز الدقائق: فرضها (أي في الصلاة)...القيام
وفي البحر الرائق: (قوله: والقيام) لقوله تعالى {وقوموا لله قانتين} [البقرة: 238] أي مطيعين، والمراد به القيام في الصلاة بإجماع المفسرين، وهو فرض في الصلاة للقادر عليه في الفرض وما هو ملحق به، واتفقوا على ركنيته وحد القيام أن يكون بحيث إذا مد يديه لا تنال ركبتيه كذا في السراج الوهاج (البحر الرائق ج 1 ص 564 ط. دار الإحياء)
وكذلك في كنز الدقائق: الجماعة سنة مؤكدة
وفي البحر الرائق: (الجماعة سنة مؤكدة) أي قوية تشبه الواجب في القوة والراجح عند أهل المذهب الوجوب ونقله في البدائع عن عامة مشايخنا، وذكر هو وغيره أن القائل منهم أنها سنة مؤكدة ليس مخالفا في الحقيقة بل في العبارة؛ لأن السنة المؤكدة والواجب سواء خصوصا ما كان من شعائر الإسلام، ودليله من السنة المواظبة من غير ترك مع النكير على تاركها بغير عذر في أحاديث كثيرة...وبعد صفحة... أنها واجبة للصلوات الخمس إلا للجمعة فإنها شرط فيها وتجب لصلاة العيدين على القول بوجوبها، وتسن فيها على القول بسنيتها...وبعد صفحة... أنها لا تجب إلا على الرجال البالغين الأحرار القادرين عليها من غير حرج فلا تجب على شيخ كبير لا يقدر على المشي ومريض وزمن وأعمى، ولو وجد من يقوده ويحمله عند أبي حنيفة لما عرف أنه لا عبرة بقدرة الغير وحقق في فتح القدير أنه اتفاق والخلاف في الجمعة لا الجماعة (البحر الرائق ج 1 ص 651-649 ط. دار الإحياء)
في الدر المختار: (من فرائضها) (القيام) بحيث لو مد يديه لا ينال ركبتيه، ومفروضه وواجبه ومسنونه ومندوبه بقدر القراءة فيه...وبعد الصفحة... (في فرض) وملحق به كنذر وسنة فجر في الاصح (لقادر عليه)
(الدر المختار ج 1 ص 445-444 ط. سعيد)
وكذلك فيه: (و) يكره تحريما (جماعة النساء)...وبعد صفحة... (ويكره حضورهن الجماعة) ولو لجمعة وعيد ووعظ (مطلقا) ولو عجوزا ليلا (على المذهب) المفتى به لفساد الزمان واستثنى الكمال بحثا العجائز المتفانية (كما تكره إمامة الرجل لهن في بيت ليس معهن رجل غيره ولا محرم منه) كأخته (أو زوجته أو أمته، أما إذا كان معهن واحد ممن ذكر أو أمهن في المسجد لا) يكره. (الدر المختار ج 1 ص 566-565 ط. سعيد)
في نور الإيضاح: يجوز النفل قاعدا مع القدرة على القيام لكن له نصف أجر القائم إلا من عذر ويقعد كالمتشهد في المختار وجاز إتمامه قاعدا بعد افتتاحه قائما بلا كراهة على الأصح
وفي مراقي الفلاح: "يجوز النفل" إنما عبر به ليشمل السنن المؤكدة وغيرها فتصح إذا صلاها "قاعدا مع القدرة على القيام" وقد حكي فيه إجماع العلماء وعلى غير المعتمد يقال إلا سنة الفجر لما قيل بوجوبها وقوة تأكدها إلا التراويح على غير الصحيح لأن الأصح جوازه قاعدا من غير عذر فلا يستثنى من جواز النفل جالسا بلا عذر شيء على الصحيح (مراقي الفلاح مع نور الإيضاح ص 402 ط. قديمي كتب خانة)
فتاوى محمودية: ج 5، ص 545-544، وص 546، ط. إدارة الفاروق
كفايت المفتي: ج 4، ص 339-338، ط. إدارة الفاروق
And Allah Ta'ala knows best.
Sh. Huzaifa-Ul Hoque
11/07/2023
Checked and approved by:
Mufti Faizal Riza
Mufti Anas Qazi
Darul Ifta Australia
www.fatwa.org.au
